I'd like to read that study. because I think the reason 80% of men cheat is because of sex. I'd bet on it. Being a cheater myself for many years, though, I Can say that if I worked as hard trying to be a good loving faithful husband, as I did sneeking around looking for sex outside the marriage bed, I'd probably not gotten divorced a couple times. However, looking back, I think the good Lord was letting me train for a really good relationship. The one I enjoy now. I found, & married a good friend, in August of 1981. I wouldn't think of cheating on her. I still wonder sometimes what sex would be like with another woman, but now that I learned to be happy sharing my life, & family with my very good friend, sex has taken on a much different role in our lives. Don't get me wrong, I never was a casanova, but took advantage of any situation that presented itself, & even passed on some that were possabilities when I was a younger man. I watched Joel Osteen last week, & i finally realized what made the change in my life. RESPECT. I didn't give my previous wives the necessary respect to have a good marriage. His sermon was all about respect, not just for others, but for yourself, your bodies, & your life. I'm glad I figured it out. I'm much happier now, that I have nothing to hide. My advice, like the Lady sez, Don't be foolish, & lose a good thing.
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Hey Prez ~
Thanks for your reply and all the others! It took me a few days to decide to respond to this. I hate cheating for so many reasons, all the people it hurts, the ripple down the line it causes in ways we don't even know. I will give an example. My grandmother after her mother, my great grandmother whom I adored passed, shared a story I don't think she would of every shared if it weren't for missing and loving her mother so much in that moment. She said she hated the husband her father was to her mother. That he had, had an affair, some how her brother in high school at the time found out and they literally "went at it" in the front yard of their Pennsylvania home. He was a proud man with a good job, it showed, he wore the best of clothes, drove a new Cadillac every year, liked to dine at the best restaurants and was a very selfish man. He was good to himself but that's where it ended. Selfish is what affairs are, putting your wants above everybody elses. She went on to say he had purchased this woman a very expensive fur coat which was the rage back then but wouldn't even let her mother purchase new drapes for their home. She was a selfless and wonderfully fun woman. All of us, her great grandchildren always called her Great (her Name here) because she was that, truly wonderful! My eyes water as I type. Getting to the point when my grandmother told this story she was crying, something I had never seen before in my 20 some years of knowing her. I couldn't help but think of the ripple effect of cheating. Here was a women, crying in great pain telling a story that was 50 years old!!! Feeling it like it was fresh. The ripple of his selfishness being passed down to generations after him, and pain literally many many decades after his actions. I have never forgotten that and never will, the magnitude of our actions on others. I'm sure he would never have been able to imagine in that moment he decided to have an affair thinking no one would ever know, that not only did he hurt and lose the affection and respect of his entire family, but that it would out live him by his GREAT grand children knowing it and now being used as an example to hundreds of other people. Not a very good story of sneaking around for a little fun on the side.
When it comes to your post prez I'm sure in your history a trail of hurt was left but as I reread it today there IS a good message. The first time honestly when I read it I got so turned off at the begining reading right out of the gate about your cheating and what appeared to be taking some pride in your selfishness, that I couldn't get past that part so kind of missed the message. Now on a second read I appreciate your saying you have a good wife now, that you respect her, and that you realize that part of respecting her is not cheating on her, not causing the huge ripple effect of pain that my grandmother spoke of. That your mind set is more an appreciation and respect of your God given blessings and realizing it. I realize that was the message you were getting at, telling your story so perhaps others will not do what you did. That I can appreciate.
My thoughts have always been from what I can make of biblical stories, like my favorite Song of Soloman, is God really loves us! He wants many many blessings on us. How incredible is it truly the way he created humans, it's amazing! How a man and woman "fit" perfectly together, built to be mates and helpers, the pleasure HE created for them to share. The best part of that though is HE is the creator of pleasure and he wrote the owners manual, rules, guidelines, instructions on having the kind of love Soloman's wife had for him. She loved him and lusted for him always, their love was very sexual and the story says ~ as it should be! It's suppose to be that way, but to have it in it's purest unadulterated most pleasureable form it says you have to follow the manual (Bible) it tells you how to achieve this kind of relationship. A relationship built purely on the love and respect of one person you vow to love and cherish like no one else ever, the private things shared only together with no one else, no baggage, no other history or things to compare it to, it's a story you write yourself with just that one other person. Pretty amazing! Who wouldn't want that! As humans though most of us have made quite a mess of it with selfish thoughts, missing the blessing!
Thank you for your post. Your message is a good one ~ if you appreciate what you have and put your energy and time there instead of somewhere else the pay off is so much more rewarding then thinking the grass is greener. "We spend our time looking for the pefect lover instead of creating the perfect love" It reminds me just typing this we are to focus on our many blessings be thankful and appreciative of what we have, not longing for what we have not! The grass wouldn't be greener on the other side of the fence if we'd use our time watering our own lawns. Life is short ~ get it together!
Edited by suz, 05 October 2012 - 11:01 AM.
